poems from school; from me, to you

We were betrothed today.
I bethought back to the day...
In the market, a meat besmeared
We sit blithed.
Our mouths beseeched with bilateral.
the mind breached;
bosoms bide to be groped, to bloster a mans many personality's.
a breech release a bray, Bombastic it was!
The bolls lifted in the wind.
The bole rotting with the broken-wind.
We sit by the brae, an appearance almost brazed to the ground.
Bereaved, the flowers brusque, A poem bowdlerized.
The scene ends.

  P.S. My teacher pointed out that bilateral is an adjective  that means two-sided.  So the sentence, "Our mouths beseeched with bilateral" does not make grammatical sense. 

The Heart (it's complicated) *rant*

 I love that picture!

So whats up with people relating love to hearts? why are hearts so sensitive? (IT'S STUDYING TIME!)
Why is it so easy for people to hit your heart, but it's just not as easy when they get up and leave your heart with a hole in it? My school tells me a heart is the strong muscle which pumps blood throughout your body. It is a hollow muscle, about the size and shape of a fist. It is actually made up of two separate pumps. It is called an involuntary muscle because it works without you ever having to think about it working. But my friends tell me the heart is the focus of feelings and intuitions. So how can it be both? How can my heart keep me alive but also be what makes me love? Don't you think thats a little dangerous? So if you got your heart broken does that mean you would die?! (lets not get carried away now...) But, yeah, when i was younger i alway thought that i could just forget about love, ya' know? Just hide under a rock and never hear anything about love. But now that im older I find that a lot of thing in the world are about love. Music, art, books, blogs, conversations. just a lot of things. I find it harder and harder to just ignore this.
So i decided that i'd take the time to sort it through here on my blog.

So, heres my storie for today. When I was little I experienced two crushes in the whole 12 years I was alive. Not many. I remember hearing my friend talk about crushes' and dating all the time, but I just never payed attention. I always took those types of conversations as a waste of time. I still do to this day. I just look at it differently now. But I almost think I cursed my self now because so far anyone Ive taken interests in don't take an interest in me. It has affected my opinion of my self. It has forced me too look at this love situation. It makes me wonder why. Am I not lovable? Of course I am! for my theory in life is everyone in the world has someone even if just one person that will love them. so then why am I mocked at? why do people make fake love notes tell me about them and make me run for them? Si that in the end I could realize I was willing to go through a lot more just to see the name in the note?  Or just so in the end I could feel pitiful for chasing after that note, like a dog chasing a mirage of water in the desert? Is that why? To make me mad? To beat me down? Why? Why must I be taunted like this? I don't like the love game, I don't like having to ask my friend to ask the guy i like questions for me so he doesn't know it was me. I don't like it. Is that why? My next question is why does it bother me so much? why does it get under my skin so much? why is it becoming my achilles heel? Or is it just cuz of my age, because im a teenager? It could be. Ahh im ranting AGAIN! see? This stuff makes me rant! And you know what? this whole situation is making me pretty ballsy (for those who don't know what that mean look it up.) You know what? i feel left out. I don't want some boyfriend for a week or a month. I want something that will be hard to obtain, something that will be like a flower made from crystal. fragile, beautiful, worth the chase. But how long will I wait? How can I wait? Just with the thought of how it'll be worth it in the end? But what if it isn't? What if it ends up in a dead end? what happens if im just left gasping for air in the end like a fish out of water? Am I willing to take the risk? I am. I want to feel the rush, have the good memories to fill space in my mind. I want to feel the pain if it ever comes. I want to play dodge ball. I want to take risks. I'm tired of being on the side watching how to play the game. I want to be pushed into the game. I want to get hit with a ball. to only try again. I want to feel the love. But in the end I feel silly. for wanting a boyfriend for wanting to hold someone hand. I feel stupid for wanting something so animalistic. But at the same time I feel like I can't judge it until i experienced it just once. I want to be in a lab running tests. but i want to be able to go home and have someone to ask me how my day was. It's a simple want, right? But I don't want some body around just to ask me how my day was I want something different. someone who pays as much attention to me as i do to them some one who will stand up for me respect me but want to walk with me. be with me, tell me that my music election sucks and suggest other artists to me. I want that. I don't know what it is. I think it's what you call love. but I am not sure.

Is it? I don't actually expect you all to understand what im say or even to have read this whole post, i don't even expect you to care. But, I... I... am only questioning all this because of this kid. this kid Yeah call it what you want. but... It's left me speechless, I cant even finish my series of thoughts. but honestly i want more action than I do words. I want silence with so much meaning in it, it couldn't be redone, recorded, or replayed. So i have been wondering if this person has ever read my blog do they read it? have they ever read it? I don't know but if they do i wonder if they know who i am. I bet they don't. ima go back and scratch out their name. or maybe replace it with something else. but in the end im left wondering. i could spent hours just typing what im thinking, writing my thought on to my virtual diary, for all to read with all my bad grammar and run on sentences. but I have to sleep some time (sadly.) so i think i'll just leave it at this. for now...
Hearts, they are confusing.

Brb. *4 weeks later* I'm back!!

Heyy, fb! Whopps! I mean Blogger, Hehe.. (Totally not where I've been spending all my time...)
So, how is it goin'? Your life been good? While, mine? Yeah, it's been normal. Honestly I haven't come on my blog in ages (Just an exaggeration! RIGHT?! *sigh* I neglect my blog too much. ) I honestly have been trying to think of ways to make my blog more awesome. Also i have been trying to think of a new name form my blog.
So far I've come up with: The inner workings, anime sundays, the SHOWDOWN, Tops crops, my mind, the inner working of a kid like me, and last but not least, Owl the legend O.O.
What do you think? Good names, bad names? I'm trying to make my blog a little piece of my home for thoughts; since i'm to shy to have a vlog (I don't like being seen. I prefer this.). Yes my bloggies (do you guys like being called that?? ) I wish to basically invite you into my home on the inter-webs. (hospitality not always included...)
So, yeah i'm building my home AGAIN, and makin' it comfy. Do I get a house warming present?!

-¿나디아?

The sudden realization...

Of, piercing eyes. Also known as penetrating eyes. I had always wondered what exactly were piercing eyes.
One of the reasons I had always wondered was because I have/had been told many times that I have piercing eyes. So today I set out on a mission to find out what exactly are "Piercing eyes". At first I reached for Google. (Like always Google's like the almost all knowing brother I never had.) Google in return gave me images of so called "Piercing eyes". I looked at them, stared at them for a little while and was found dumbfounded. I noticed nothing different. After a little while of wondering in my mind i hit a thought of " Well, what do normal eyes look like?". And once again reached for my almost all knowing brother, Google. And I was faced with millions of images. So naturally I sorted through about 1 page worths of pictures and picked one I thought suitable.

This was the image:

I find it a good close up of an eye, don't you? Then in my quest i when back, looked up penetrating eyes. And found this image:

My next step to try and understand the meaning of penetrating eyes was "let's look up web definitions!"
I did; and this is what the Internet has to say:

"pen·e·trat·ing

/ˈpɛnɪˌtreɪtɪŋ/ Show Spe[pen-i-trey-ting]  Show IPA

–adjective

1.

able or tending to penetrate; piercing; sharp: a penetrating shriek; a penetrating glance.

2.

acute; discerning: a penetrating observation.

3.

Surgery . noting a wound that pierces the skin, esp. a deep wound entering an organ or body cavity."- From dictionary.com

 

"

• acute: having or demonstrating ability to recognize or draw fine distinctions; "an acute observer of politics and politicians"; "incisive comments"; "icy knife like reasoning"; "as sharp and incisive as the stroke of a fang"; "penetrating insight"; "frequent penetrative observations"
• penetrative: tending to penetrate; having the power of entering or piercing; "a toxic penetrative spray applied to the surface"; "a cold penetrating wind"; "a penetrating odor". "
  From- wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

 

Then after this I just when back and forth between the two images, trying to see what was different about them. Then, while looking at the so called "piercing eyes" picture,  it hit me like I was falling from the sky. I suddenly felt a chill, I felt the need to look away from the pictures eyes. 

Penetrating eyes are fearsome eyes, they look right at you. They feel almost like they touch you. They are, well, penetrating.

This lady and gentlemen was my realization. I hope It was some-what helpful!
-from you favorite little blogger,
-나디아

Music a obsession or a way of life?

Have you ever had a profound love for music? If you answered yes, then you too share my love. If you answered no, then I am going to have to ask you to please explain why you don't.
Now before we continue you may find some information helpful to understand my complex series of webs (Almost mores code) thoughts that run through my brain. (Yes, I may possibly have thoughts that even mind readers couldn't understand.) First off when I say I love music it is because I literally spend between 7-2 hours of my life listening to music every day. You may be wondering how this is possible; well thanks to the 21st century we now have ipods! And I now spend a lot of time listening to music. (Yay! music!) And secondly, uhmm... Uhh...Well... Errr...Oh well! I can't think of a second thing! (Sometimes even I don't understand my own thoughts.) So, I guess there isn't one!
Now let us continue. (What was I going to say?) Yes! music... Errr... Uhmmm... uhhh... (Oh no! The zombies noises are kicking in!) I guess the post is over!
From your favorite blogger,

-나디아










OH! I'm still here?
Yes, the post hasn't ended yet! I was just fooling around. (Don't they say only fools fool around?) The post still continues! (Yay?!)
I have been either really in love with music or obsessed with it. (Yeah I can't tell the difference, creepy, huh?)
Either way I have been listening to music almost every chance I get.
So do you know what that means?! I have music videos for you!! (thank god{If there even is a god [OMG did I just have three thoughts in one?!]. } their is youtube.)
Anyway, here they are! The music I have most recently found. (Side note; some of this music contains cursing, so be careful.)


Every one from the 80's remembers this song don't they? (supersonic - J.J.Fad.)


Never heard this song? No wonder it a kinda new artist. (ultrasound - Johnny Massacre)
 
Yes, I love any song even if it's not in English.  (Cherish - Ai Otsuka)


I'm sure everyone's heard this song at least once. And who didn't love it? (You always make me smile- Kyle Andrews)


A aspiring artist still in the first stages. But I do Like this song! (Come on come on! - Morgan Laurence)

SO, I have plenty more music videos. But for now I think this is enough.

From your favorite blogger, (And this time its really ending, I promise.)

-나디아

the simplicity's of life are complex

What ever happened to being satisfied with fools gold? Why must everyone only want the "pure" gold? Why cant they appreciate this impostor as a good actor? Why must they instead insult it as to name it "fools gold"? Why can't they appreciate this impostor as a amazing thing to find such a very good actor? Why are the simplicity of life so complex? Why does everyone strive for the pure source? Why does life have to be in such a hurry? Why does everyone have to come to a midlife crisis? Why can't we just accept that we grow old and be proud of all the time we have spent here learning, gaining wisdom to match the gray hairs we have earned?
Why must people always think in such a negative way? Why can't the world be happy? Why must I be upside down and you be right side up? How come your not upside down and I'm not right side up?

I guess what I'm really trying to get at is the simple questions that has been asked by many, and answered by so few. Answered by so few because often the answer requires a simpler way of looking at it; and most often people don't really want to search for an answer. They just want it to come to them. They want it to be easy. But their is that saying nothing worth pursuing will ever be easy. (Of course I am paraphrasing and I don't recall who said that but I think it gets the point across.) Some of you may be wondering why do I write of such things why don't I write about; I don't know, other stuff. My answer to whom ever asks; because I write to hopefully make a small difference. To hopeful change who ever reads this, look on everything to something different.
Why? Because since the day I completely understood anything I immediately wanted to teach it to someone, anyone willing to listen. I have this compulsive need to help others. I pry my self on teaching someone something at lest trying to, to my fullest ability.
And just as I like to teach I also like to be taught. I appreciate a complete thought, I feel fulfilled when I see someone save a cricket from drowning in a pool. Or when someone has the understanding to set aside their differences for the better.
In other word I just appreciate it when people are loving. I understand that I, nor anyone else can be completely loving and nice and all that crap all the time; but, I feel that one should at lest try to. That doesn't mean being someone prissy who doesn't fight back, no it means that you are willing to reason when the situation can be reasoned with.
It means being able to love with out having to go around hugging and kissing every thing. It doesn't mean having to wear your heart on your sleeve. It doesn't mean having to be loved by every one, in fact it mean some times being hated. But it means  to accept why their is animosity in the world; and to understand and move on. You don't have to always be smiling (in fact I almost always have a strait face...) it means being able to have compassion; not pity, but the genuine want to help someone. To genuinely care, to be able to wait for as long as it takes, and when it comes around to be able to forgive. It means being quiet sometimes, it means being mean sometimes, it means having to to the hardest things sometimes. But to always to understand the other parties perspective. Even though you do have to wait for a lot in life, you should never put your life on hold; your life should always be in motion. Never still. Not to dwell in or on the past. to accept that when the news announces the death of 20 people to understand that people are always dieing, for every reason imaginable but people are always being born, not to get sucked in. but instead let it roll off you skin. Because no matter how bad the world may be, it is always equally good. Even if you chose to believe the world is hell it is still heaven to some one else in the world some where else. (possibly even in the same room.)

So, today my bloggies I leave you with this food for thought, consume it, digest it, and decide if you like it.
From your favorite little blogger,

-나디아

Thursdays thirst

Long time no see; your probably wondering if I was eaten by zombies and have been repossessed. The answer to that question is, No. I have not been devoured by zombies in some elaborate scheme to escape the world. Quite the contrary, I have been making elaborate schemes to insure my survival.
Plans for this weekend. Deep thoughts to come up with a reason. A reason for what? Ahh, that is a question I can't answer; It's too deep to mention. (actually it's to mean to mention...) Your probably like "what?! mean? How, why, why would YOU think of something mean? You seem so nice!". And my answer to you is Yes, I am nice. But I am also a little bit of a snot nosed punk, Who too likes to plan and see things through all the way. Is that true? Yes, a little but thats not the case this time. I was just pulling your chain. (Why yes, you are now tied to a tree, don't like it? then I'll just have to get the key won't I? Alright I'm going to get it. *2 minuets later* Here you go! *throws it in the pond.* Oh well guess I'll just have to keep pullin' you chain won't I?) I can, and will tell you "why" I am planing.
I'm actually planing to try and help my friend confess her feelings to this guy. (And it is NOT fun, its unnecessary "teenage drama" I am adding to my life.) But I am ever so tired of hearing her talk about him in the strange, almost bipolar way. Let me give you an example. She says the likes him but she find him really short, ugly( meaning unattractive,), and mean. so my question to her is well you have just ruled out personality and looks, so why do you like him? her answer "I don't know! I just do even thought he is really ugly...". So, I have taken it under my serious thought of how she will tell him , the after affects, and if it will fix her bipolar-ness. (Yes that's right BIPOLAR-NESS!) And one of the factors I must consider is how I can manage to get as far away from my family as possible. Because they are the most nosy, meddling people I have ever met. (And only my grandmother is this way. The rest of them seem relatively oblivious, and uncaring.)
So I have found a way to make my father happy, he can go to his most favorite place in the whole wide world for three hours, Barnes & noble. As for my grandmother she dose not like Asian food, or culture, so I was thinking she may want to go with my dad, or just stay home... I'm not sure.

So now you know. how evil I really am... Now don't go blabbing about it!
From your favorite little blogger,
-나디아.

New phone!

Hello, as promised I have painstakingly made a post just for you, my bloggies. (haha, not really painstakingly...)
But anyway, back to what I was talking about. (what was that?)
Ahh, yes, new phone. If any of you have seen my older post about picking out phone you would have seen my choices. (and two of them where a very bad idea...) so that dwindled it down to just the reality. what are my thoughts on this phone? IT'S FREAKING AWESOME!! (exaggerated much?) Actually no, I really do like this phone. It does so much compared to my old phone. (the sony ericsson walkman.) That it seems to blow my mind away. (not like thats hard...) But I think you get my point.
Any who. sorry this is such a short post (how dare you post such nonsense!) But I have got to be getting up early tomorrow (well early for a weekend.) and its already almost 11pm.
And so just for you I give you two BIG picture of my new phone just to take up sㅔace so this doesn't seem like a short post.

From your favorite blogger,
-나디아

Different minds different ideas, Food for thought

Have you ever once stumbled across the difficult question why do I write the letter "D" that way? Why not write it in all one smooth stroke; instead of one line down and then a rounded line from the top to bottom to make a "D".
Why not write a lower case "d" like you would a music note? Why specifically must I use that technique?
why do we abide by the laws of white lines on the ground? They aren't walls, just lines. I know their is a reason for it; but why does the mainstream society hardly ever think of really, WHY?
They just learn what it's their for, how to abide the laws of it, and then never really question. Just like most people don't averagely look up.

I'll give you an actually scenario (An experiment I was working on a while ago.) about mid April 2010 (the current year; if you happen to read this some time on in the future.)
I was sitting on the the roof right next to my window about 1 story up. Their was a mother walking by across the street with her child. I yell hello to see if she would notice me; She stops looks around (not even once did it hit her to look up.) then once again starts up walking but, this time a little faster (I think out of fear.).
I tried this same test over again on several different people. Non of them looked up. (Not even the cop. which surprised me; I would have thought a cop would have heard where the sound was coming from and looked up, but no. I was kinda glad though 'cause if he had seen me up there, I probably would have gotten in trouble...) So why do we just do? Why don't we question every day things? Why not question specifically why your going in this direction? Why must you follow the G.P.S?(Did you know that G.P.S stand for Global Positioning System?)
Why don't you think of questions? Why do I?
These are things I find, are not questioned enough. I realize the white lines on the floor are to direct the traffic to the proper locations and the keep from total disaster; But why do people obey them, and disobey them? (Not including drunk drivers 'cause they can't even see the lines clearly.)
So why do we just follow orders so willingly?
Why is it that they are rarely truly questioned?

Well, that was my view of this "Topic". Digest it, process it, and finally come to a conclusion about it. Hope you liked my food for thought!
From you favorite little blogger,
-나디아

Facebook

Ahhh, yes Facebook. One of the many wonders of the interwebs.
I place that harbors both idiots and geniuses all under the same domain. A site amongst thousands created for networking, keeping in contact. (one used a lot by a certain someone writing this post...) Also a place full of pedo's and hooker's. (possibly unwise for me to use? nah, no more than the average site.) But on the up side it's also a wonderful domain where you can discuses current events with peers. (Like a science project I should be working on!) And the utmost entertaining place for those who have procrastination on there list of things to do. (Also like a certain someone...) But not for the pedo's and hookers! For the fact that you can find horribly misspelled everything!! (no offense.)
No not that either, something even better!! What is it you ask? Games. Yes games, Facebook has billions of games.
Some atrociously awful. Others amazingly entertaining. Facebook is also home to stalkers.
As facebook allows you to kinda unnaturally watch you friends. (not like pornographic or anything; Gezz you have a dirty mind!) You can see when their birthday is, their favorite music, activities they do, books they have read (some of us facebook users never update our books I've read list so we appear literate thanks to our book list.), favorite movies, how many friends they have in common, and so on.

I like facebook, Because I use it message friends, chat, and just communicate with the people I know. But I have seen the other sides of facebook. And they make me question. Am I being watched?
My answer is yes. My question to you; Who isn't? Every one on facebook, has, is, or will be, watched. (so don't post anything too personal unless you have already accounted for the consequences.) People naturally like to watch. So if the internet gives us a even greater chance to watch why wouldn't we? (Again not referring to anything pornographic.) I'm just talking about observing. every one, every thing, has observed. And will observe. It's a intelligent way to know whats going on around you.

So let me ask you, do you like facebook?

From you favorite little blogger
-나디아

Fridays fry

Fridays usually dictate staying up late, having fun, enjoying life.
But this Fridays one of a different story.
It seems still, like a storms coming; as if to say beware Saturday brings the unknown.
Well not entirely unknown, it brings my first day of korean school and a kung-fu class.
Does that sound unknown to you? Yes, well then I guess I know about as much as the chair I'm sitting on.
Why is it I have this nervous feeling. A mixture between excitement and fear.
Its like harboring lightning and water in you body; they electrify you but make you wonder...
Wonder what will come, what should I do, what should I feel?

You my bloggies are ever so easy to talk to.
Why? Its probably cause' I know none of you, You're all practically strangers to me. Which makes it easy to say what ever is on my mind. Because even if someone I know where to come along and read this, how would they know it was me?
They wouldn't! Unless, of course they asked me if this was my blog. Then in that case They would know and it would no longer be as easy to say what ever I feel like.
Understand, my bloggies I'm a quiet person, a person of little but a lot of knowledge. I'm cold but warm, loving but hateful.
recently I have had an issue come up and it has made me question. what is love? Do I love? Am I in love?
I would generally say There is no defined answer; because in reality there isn't a defined answer.(Considering love it such an abstract thing.) But, now I want to have my own answer. I want to be able to proudly say that yes, I do what love is!
But every time I am ever asked if I do love I push away from everything.
I say the truth but it's all lies. How can that be?
How can you love something and entirely want to be with it, near it. But mention not even a word about it; not even to the walls.
Then when you mention it to Just one object, you completely make up something to say that every thing I just spent an hour saying was all a joke. I was just practicing for drama class. seeing if I could convince you. I did, I convinced you it was all made up. but I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you. But for me to tell you, you would have to be frozen forever in life never to be able to remember it again.
Why is that?


Instead I come running to blogger so that I can write what ever I feel like; so anyone in the world can read it. and never know who wrote it.
So there can be a question mark over my face.

I leave you my bloggies with this.
Digest it, think what you want of it.
This is my little piece of thought to you.
-나디아

Hello world!

Today I post a silent picture post see the world as I saw It today. Hope you like the world through my eyes!















































From your favorite little blogger
-나디아